beyond blessed

I was facing a severe financial crisis for a month since I stopped getting honor scholarships last march, which means I no longer get $500 wired to my account monthly. It was a huge lost for me indeed.

I am working part time in McDonalds...and even though I have worked my ass off, using every single free time I have to earn money, I could only earn 43,000yen out of 70,000 yen I need to live properly here. I was stressed up, worrying about how to survive the next days and paying the tuition fee without asking my parents's aid seemed to be impossible.

However, I always believe that God sent me here for some reasons, and as He has always guided me and provided my needs , I know he would never abandon me. And every time those financial worries bother my thoughts, God always guides me through my night devotion. He always says the right things to keep me stand still up to this very moment.

A few days ago, my worries stroke back and I started to think about how to get through the upcoming days, how to pay my tuition fee, how to pay this and that, but my night devotion reminded me:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear ^.Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ^?But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It hit the right button and I felt so guilty for worrying instead of trusting my heavenly father and keeping my faith through prayers and devotions.

And God never forget to fulfill his word...

He made me succeed the first screenings for honor scholarship and the selection to be the system assistant in my uni..still a long way to go til I officially get those, but well......I am keeping my faith, and I believe God has made a beautiful plan for me, so even if I fail, I believe it happens for reasons, for the better. =)

And as God fulfills His word to answer my prayers..so would He for your prayers as well.

Stop worrying, start trusting the Lord, and everything would be given to you.

and after all, remember, you never walk alone.

(not) z e r o

it's 5.07 am and here I am, glued in front of my laptop with eyes wide opened. just get done with the stacks of home works for my Japanese class tomorrow, one assessment for the previous presentation we had, one A4 paper long report in Japanese about environmental issues, and one evaluation about Japanese study. Well.. I am pretty much satisfied with it since I guess it's one of those little amount of home works on which  I put suffice effort instead of just copying from my friend. Yes, this is my first time making a 'qualified' and 'contented' writing on my own, struggling on goole translate and online dictionary for about an hour to finally get done with it and I feel so fine. 

Anyway, my sudden effort wasn't reasonless. I just happened to bump into my friend's facebook account to find out  that she just got accepted in UCLA for applied math *well  done, Pik! I'm so proud of you!* and it really shot me in the head. 

It made me look back and question what have I been doing in the past 3 semesters here? what have I learned? have I really gained something?

and..I came out with the conclusion, aside from my Japanese and life's practical things *explain you later*, I seem to gain Z E R O..sigh

well what can you expect to gain from a lecture from a professor whose English is not even understandable because they're speaking with strong Japanese accent? 

what on earth could I have gained for taking bioscience and earth science since I am majoring on international business?

how could I even get strongly rooted to the basic principles of economic if I could just sleep during the lecture for the whole semester and read the whole book one night before just to  pass the exam?

DANG!

it was a really really nice reminder for me not to slack this much. well, my uni may not be that good, some of my professors may not speak English clearly, but well it always goes back to me anyway. If I could just stand staying up for the whole lecture, putting my best effort to listen, take notes, and review, I may gain some more.

Whoam. It's gonna be a tough work but well my friend's success would always be hanging invisibly on my forehead, reminding me to put some more effort on my study.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed..

not supposed to be here

take down your defences, use no common senses

supposed to be working on the script for Indonesian week 

and my accounting assignment. darn.

dear baby girl

hey baby girl
it's another night of our idle talks online
another routine of 'how are you baby, im doing fine'
because with you i cant discuss about stocks, politics, life, and what's ahead
oh girl, you know nothing about these shoes Im bidding on
and would you argue back on which lens I should put on
so ive been filling your inbox with stacks of 'i miss you's and 'i love you's instead
but you're fine with those and I'm not surprised

well you're just a kid
and life aint a fairy tale, baby, that's bullshit
if only you were smarter
things for me might have got harder
but you're just a kid
that's why nothing seems wrong with it

i've been living in a world you dont know, baby
sleeping with another girl on our anniversary
hugging tight while we were texting
sorry baby girl for the late reply, i was busy kissing
but you never doubt me and things become so easy

well you're just a kid
and life aint a fairy tale, baby, that's bullshit
if only you were smarter
things for me might have got harder
but you're just a kid
that's why nothing seems wrong with it

oh baby girl, being with you has made my burden so light
my friends got babes and so do i
but when they have to squeeze their brain to lie
i only need to write you 'i love you baby, i miss you' and everything would be alright

sorry baby girl, i never meant to hurt you. no no.
i just cant help being smart, yea, im not that shallow
and hey, I aint angel with halo

*anyone interested to arrange the melody for those lines?

one way

there's no other way nor U-turn